When you are over forty, put away your weakness.
I have heard a saying that when people really mature in middle age, they begin to live at an angular angle.
the more you experience, the more you understand that a good life is always a good life with a measure of kindness and a bottom line of giving.
do not consume yourself, do not give in, put aside your weakness and show your edge, so that you can live a good rest of your life.
01
for others to ask for help, you don't have to be generous
you read a question on the Internet earlier. What are the reasons that you don't understand until you enter middle age?
someone replied that people don't really learn to "keep their faces swollen and fat" until they are over forty. They can help as much as they can, and refuse decisively if they can't.
when you live to a certain age, you don't know that there is not much heart-to-heart in the world, and not everyone will return the favor to you.
there is an old neighbor who is good at calligraphy.
on weekdays, there are a lot of people asking him for words, and during the Spring Festival, there is an endless stream of people asking for couplets.
the old man was unwilling to refuse others, so he stayed up for a few days and completed most of the couplets, but he never thought that his body could not bear it, but he spent the New year in the hospital.
after he was discharged from the hospital, those who asked for the couplet did not even express their condolences, and what they did not get, instead, they were secretly scolding the old man for not being trustworthy.
when we were young, we were always reluctant to do something we didn't want or couldn't do because of face.
at that time, they were energetic and had the spare power to hold umbrellas for others. When people reach middle age, stress and anxiety are coming. In the face of other people's help, there is really no need to be too generous.
do everything about other people's affairs, and if you overdraw yourself, you may get apathy and resentment.
there are times when everyone is tired to cope with. It is kind to give a hand to those within their ability, and when they can't, they don't have to feel embarrassed to speak up.
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appropriate refusal is not indifference, but a measure of propriety.
Life is short. Learn to be cold and set aside some time to take good care of yourself and your family.
02
people who make progress by an inch should not be spoiled by
psychologist Zhang Defen, who says that individuals often devour each other.
if we are not hard enough, without any rigidity, we can easily be "swallowed" by others.
if you don't add a lock to others' kindness, it's easy to get an inch of each other's progress.
there was a reader who told Liang Xiaosheng about his troubles.
he said he opened a restaurant and offered free meals to his friends for two weeks in order to increase his popularity.
but one of his friends treats his restaurant as a free canteen.
I ate and drank for nothing, and later I brought my relatives and friends to eat and drink together.
A friend acts like a host, bossing the clerk around, and what's worse, he often walks through a lot of drinks when he leaves.
the reader was very distressed and said that he didn't know how to tell his friend about it, for fear of hurting his feelings for many years.
Liang Xiaosheng suggested that if you don't owe each other a favor, it's better to say it directly. It's not easy to open your own shop to make ends meet. If it's still useless, you don't want this kind of friend.
when you think about it, such things are not uncommon in life.
some relatives, seeing that you live in a big city, think that all the resources here can be used by you. If you help him to do one thing, there will always be another one waiting for you.
some friends, seeing that your career is convenient, ask for something from you, but they are ungrateful after receiving favors.
No matter who it is, you can't get used to people who take an inch and don't know how to be grateful.
there is a good saying: "if the heart is too soft, it is easy to be pinched as a soft persimmon; if it is too good, it is easy to be seen as absent-minded."
kindness without boundaries is a disaster.
the more you indulge others, the more they will push their nose and face.
the more unreservedly kind you are to others, you will be treated as a squeezing machine.
after most of life has passed, it is time to put aside the unnecessary things and put away the weak mentality.
learn to set your own boundaries, not without a bottom line to spoil someone, and not without principles to please someone.
being a person with a good heart but a thorn in his body is the necessary maturity and self-consciousness for middle-aged people.
03
false friendship, don't be reluctant to
there is a saying: people's eyes have 576 million pixels, but they can't understand the human heart after all.
in fact, it's easy to read people's hearts, and you'll know it once you're down.
Xue Rengui, a famous general of the Tang Dynasty, was originally a rich second generation with a generous family and friends all over the world.
however, after his father died, his life was changed.
the friends who used to cluster around him chose to turn a blind eye to him, and even their own uncle quickly drew a line with him.
when he was discouraged and wanted to die, he was rescued by Wang Maosheng, who carried a burden for a living. later, he joined the army and entrusted his wife and children to the care of Wang Maosheng.
many years later, he was named "King of Pingliao" and returned to his hometown.
when his chariots and horses entered the city, officials and tycoons greeted each other with smiles and numerous gifts piled all over the mansion.
however, with all kinds of treasures and treasures, Xue Rengui left nothing but the "fine wine" of Wang Maosheng's two altars of replacing wine with water.
accustomed to the coldness of the world, he has already seen clearly the various desires of everyone under each smiling face, and he will not be moved by this "icing on the cake".
but for Wang Maosheng, who had given him a ride when he was in distress, he built a house for him and gave his wife valuable jewelry.
When people are young, they are easily blindfolded by the illusion and look at their smiling faces, so they think that everyone is sincere to you.
after going through the ups and downs of the world, I just realized that no matter how much icing on the cake, it is not as good as providing charcoal in a timely manner.
when we reach middle age, we see some things clearly and despise some people.
people who play games and ask for help from you should break up friends and stay away from them.
Life is less than a hundred years. Don't waste your energy on false prosperity and preparation.
as Qian Zhongshu said, "there is no need to find people who are not three or four to say something innocuous."
instead of spending time on people who are not worth it, it is better to find a true confidant to drink and talk about it.
Gao Xiaosong once said that in the past, you didn't feel confused until you were 40 years old.
it was only at the age of forty that I found that the so-called "not confused" was that I didn't want to understand things I didn't understand before.
when people live to a certain age, they gradually understand the essence of separation.
false friendship should be judged; those who consume you, stay away.
when you give up falsehood and ostentation and focus on your own life, you gain freedom and peace of mind.