My father married the mistress, prospered, and flew together until I appeared on the TV station.

01

in 2018, my mother fell asleep on my shoulder on a flight to Japan.

it was her first time to go abroad and she was excited for several days.

she lost some weight, like a child, following me all the way.

even when I fell asleep, I gently shook my hand and breathed slightly.

unconsciously, I grew up and became her support.

it was on that day that I suddenly felt the urge to tell a story.

talk about our bitterness and sweetness, happiness and sorrow.

it's just that there are too many things in this story that you don't want to talk about, and you can't mention them.

so forgive me for not being able to say exactly where it happened.

in short, it is in the south, a city where it will snow heavily in winter.

02

the story starts a long time ago.

in the sixties of last century, grandma got pregnant.

but it coincides with three years of natural disasters and can't eat a decent meal every day.

in July of pregnancy, Grandma cleaned and found some biscuits behind the cupboard.

I don't know when I fell into it, and I got mildew spots.

Grandma was so hungry that she picked out the moldy place and ate it.

as a result, I had a stomachache, vomiting and releasing at night.

I was sent to the hospital overnight for emergency treatment, but I still had fetal gas.

so my mother came to the world so prematurely.

Seven months, it's too small, less than four jin.

at that time, my grandfather still had some abilities and applied for an incubator for my mother.

she lay there for three months.

Grandpa said that it was not easy for my mother to survive. She was covered with needles, scalp and instep when she came out. It's all pierced where it can be pierced.

but I really don't know whether it's good or bad for her to survive so hard.

03

my mother is said to have come so hard and should be spoiled.

but this is not the case.

Grandma was born from a scholarly family, and both Grandpa and Grandpa graduated from college. At that time, she was a real favorite.

but the times are changing so fast that what we used to be proud of has become evidence of overthrowing ourselves.

that decade was not only the decade when my grandmother was bullied, but also the decade when my mother grew up.

it is conceivable to whom grandma transferred all her accumulated anger to the outside world.

of course, also because my mother is not what she imagined to be.

my mother is malnourished in embryos and takes a lot of drugs after birth, so she is slower than the average child in every way.

her comprehension is slower;

reaction is also slower;

even the development of the body is slower.

in the eyes of my arrogant grandmother, this gradually became unbearable.

especially after giving birth to two more children, my mother became the daughter she hated most.

all the housework, all the abuse, are given to my mother.

only Grandpa feels sorry for my mother, but he loves my grandmother more.

he knew the pain in grandma's heart, so he had to let her use my mother to solve the depression in her heart.

fortunately, there are many books at home.

my mother reads slowly, but she can bear it.

the stories in those books taught her diligence and kindness.

however, in this world, there are always places where the sun is out of reach, and there are too many unkind people.

04

1977, college entrance examination was resumed.

as the first batch of fresh graduates, my mother did not understand the policy at all, chose the wrong subjects and missed the opportunity to go to college.

in fact, if she repeats it, she is very hopeful. After all, she is a child who loves to read books from an early age.

but the family conditions are not good, the second aunt and uncle are at school.

Grandma doesn't expect my mother to be admitted to college at all. My mother can only listen to her family's arrangement and go to work.

my mother joined the post office and worked as an accountant in the book retail department.

busy every day, helping parents raise younger brothers and sisters.

my second aunt was admitted to college, and when my mother's uncle, who was 8 years younger, went to college, my mother, who was about to be three years old, was introduced to Xiang Weidong.

at that time, it was almost the 1990s, and the whole society was filled with the smell of money, and everyone was careful for himself.

on the other hand, my mother devoted all her youth to the family that didn't love her very much.

is it fair? Of course it's not fair.

but the kind-hearted people don't know how to hurt, and the pure people at the bottom of their hearts are all pure white.

A child who has been rejected by his mother since childhood is happy to feel qualified to pay for his family.

05

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Xiang Weidong was born in the countryside and came from a poor family. With excellent grades, he was admitted to a famous normal school, which can be regarded as Yuyue Longmen.

it is said that his grades can go to Tsinghua and Peking University, but he takes a fancy to the policy of free admission to normal universities.

after graduation, I went to work as a teacher in a high school in the suburbs.

it is said that it is not too much to show talent to Weidong, good-looking and talented.

my mother likes reading and likes the bookish air about him.

all weddings are done at Grandpa's expense.

to Weidong's old father, he sent two cut trees from the ravine for them to make new furniture.

because I couldn't afford the fare to the city, Grandpa asked someone to pick it up.

my mother has lived in poverty since childhood, but she has never seen what real abject poverty is.

on the first day of the wedding, he took off his coat to Weidong, and the sweater inside was stripped off and left half a sleeve.

in my mother's eyes, there is no contempt, only heartache.

she helped Xiang Weidong take off his sweater and said, "I won't have to wear it out in the future. I can mend anything for you."

said to Weidong movingly, I will work hard in the future. I don't need to wear rags or you to mend clothes.

06

at that time, my mother and Xiang Weidong lived in the old dormitory of the school.

the sound of books can be heard during the day, and under the window at night is the playground covered with moonlight.

A simple campus blocks the impetuosity of society, and my mother thinks it will last a lifetime.

but time always pushes people to run forward, whether it is a mountain or a quagmire.

my elderly grandfather pitied my mother to bear hardships since she was a child. She married someone and went to live in the suburbs.

so by virtue of his final social relations, Xiang Weidong was sent to the second middle school in the urban area and helped him transfer his rural hukou to the city.

from then on, Xiang Weidong's life gradually had a voice that could not be achieved before.

and my mother was relieved to have a baby because her life was stable.

A year later, she and Xiang Weidong's daughter were born, that is me.

Yes, Xiang Weidong is my father in biology.

but in my life, I will never call him Dad again.

I was even disgusted at the thought that I had his genes on me.

because not all men deserve the title.

at least to Weidong, he doesn't deserve it.

07

Xiang Weidong, who came into contact with larger resources, soon couldn't stand his vigorous ambition.

he took advantage of the media and became a reporter at the newspaper.

usually he receives some letters from readers, and slowly, he becomes acquainted with a girl who has changed his fate in the reception room.

her name is Xu Jing.

maybe people nowadays don't understand what's so great about the janitor's job in the reception room.

but at that time, it was a spare job with an iron rice bowl, and many people envied it.

Xu Jing came in by relationship.

her father is very rich, which can be regarded as rich and powerful.

she is the only child in the family, arrogant and domineering, does not like reading when she is young, and did not graduate from junior high school.

she has no culture of her own, but it doesn't prevent her from liking educated people.

soon, she was fascinated by Xiang Weidong.

and Xiang Weidong, who is determined to climb the ladder, immediately hit it off with her when he heard about Xu Jing's family background.

08

I met Xu Jing when I was very young.

I don't remember why Xiang Weidong took me to work. He should be three or four years old.

Xu Jing knew and looked for it specially.

sitting on Xiang Weidong's lap in front of me, holding his head in his hands, he asked me, is my aunt beautiful?

after many years, this picture is unusually clear.

and as I get older, I get more and more aware of how arrogant and vicious this woman is.

is she trying to declare war on my mother through me?

but I was so young at that time that I felt vaguely that my mother didn't want to see it.

when I got home, I didn't dare to say a word.

but Xu Jing has been hard-hearted to get to Weidong, she made a huge promise to Weidong.

as long as she divorces Weidong and marries her, she will let her father arrange a better job for Weidong, and she can save 20 years of struggle in her life.

and Xiang Weidong has been dragging his feet with her for so long, aren't he waiting for this sentence?

he went home immediately and had a showdown with my mother.

09

my mother has done everything slowly since she was a child.

because her perception of the outside world is slow.

when the world is changing crazily, she can't turn, she can't change her way, she's still locked in the old rut, and she won't escape.

so when Xiang Weidong couldn't wait for a divorce, she froze.

she doesn't understand.

go to work every day, get off work, take care of my husband and children, life has never been off track, how to suddenly divorce.

my mother refused to agree.

Xiang Weidong began not to go home, but whenever he came back, he was messing with my mother.

gradually, the utilitarian desire tore open his mounting, and finally revealed a ferocious face.

he began to smash everything in the house and cut up my mother's clothes.

but my mother still doesn't want to leave.

because in the 1990s, divorce was a stain on women.

and more importantly, my mother still has a glimmer of hope for Xiang Weidong.

she couldn't figure out how the person who used to be vowed to fall in love could be so cold and ruthless.

10

Xiang Weidong came back for the last time. It was one night, and he beat my mother black and blue.

my mother was lying on the ground, unable to move, while he walked away.

at the age of 5, I rushed out of the door, hugged his legs tightly and wouldn't let him go.

I called him Dad and begged him not to leave me and Mom.

so he touched my head and whispered to me, "good boy, I'll get something. I'll be back when you count to 100."

that was his last tenderness in my memory.

Unfortunately, it's a lie.

that's how I count from 1 to 100 over and over again on a dark night.

I thought I had counted wrong.

I thought 100 was still a long way to go.

I thought he was still my father.

actually, he is not even a human being.

he knew full well that my mother had been weak since she was a child, and she still hit her so hard.

my mother lay in bed all day and all night, crying silently.

Little me, accompanied by her bedside, wiped her tears.

I remembered the medicine she usually took, so I ran to find it and carried the bench to the cupboard next to it and boiled the cup for nothing.

I took it over and said to her like she once coaxed me, "Mom is good, take the medicine and the pain will go away."

and my mother hugged me and cried even more.

many years later, my mother and I talked about that day again.

she said that she was really discouraged by life at that time, and that I gave her the motivation to live at the thought of death.

she was born in the seventh month of pregnancy.

there must be a reason why she worked so hard to survive-it was me.

she vowed never to flinch, no matter how difficult the day might be.

she will try her best to bring me up.