It is not poverty or cheating that destroys a family, but.

A happy and harmonious family needs to be managed well.

it's like a building, it's hard to build, but it's extremely easy to destroy.

what often destroys a family is not poverty or wealth, health or disease, but the bad mood we show when we get along with our family.

there is a saying in Zengguang Xianwen: "good words are warm in three winters, but evil words hurt people in June."

in real life, many people are kind to strangers but mean to their families who care for them.

do not realize that this kind of behavior will destroy the temperature that a home should have and chill the hearts of the family.

01

Bad mood, let the child hurt

"Dad, I'm sorry, forgive me for leaving without saying goodbye, I really can't hold on. I'm tired, as she wishes. I'll go, and no one will make her angry when I'm gone. "

A few days ago, a 15-year-old girl in the second year of junior high school wrote this letter.

the "she" in the letter refers to her mother.

because the bath supplies were not arranged the night before, she was scolded by her mother, who yelled at her and told her to go to hell.

beating and swearing education does a lot of damage to children.

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Zhou Guoping said in "Don't want to grow up"

Shu Qi once talked about his miserable childhood in an interview show.

parents advocate stick education, and there is only one word for her since childhood: hit.

disobedient, fight!

do something wrong, fight!

she has lived with fear since she was a child.

since childhood, she has learned to observe her words and emotions. When she hears her father riding home on a motorcycle, she will feel scared.

she said: "run as far as you can, even in the middle of the night."

she also revealed that she chose to run away from home when she was a teenager.

when she was in a car accident when she was a child, her mother didn't feel sorry for her, but scolded her as soon as she came up.

her original family didn't give her a little sense of security, so she had to rebel.

smoking, drinking and playing truant at a young age.

there are countless such parents in life, who practice "filial piety under the stick and good talent under the slap".

but have you ever thought: how much harm does beating and scolding education do to children?

educator Yin Jianli once said, "if you lose one-third of your temper with your child, it will cause seven percent harm to your child."

psychologist Wu Zhihong also said: "Children are the receivers of parents' emotions. When parents are uneasy, children are immediately alert; when parents relax, children immediately feel happy."

I wonder if you have ever heard the story of "cat kicking effect":

A father, criticized by his boss at the company, came home and had a fight with his wife, and the wife got angry and scolded the child jumping around on the sofa. The child was angry and went to kick the cat rolling around him. The cat fled to the street when a truck was coming, and the driver quickly dodged, but hit the child on the side of the road.

parents' bad temper is like a giant hammer waving recklessly, and it is always the child who is unable to fight back who gets hurt the most.

02

A bad mood makes your partner discord

someone in Zhihu once asked, "what is the most terrible thing about a marriage?"

one of them replied:

"the most terrible thing in marriage is not love, but that two people often quarrel with each other and constantly consume the calories of marriage."

Last March, a couple in Shaanxi Province drowned because their wife jumped into the river and their husband went into the water to save their lives, leaving their three children orphaned.

Last June, a couple in Liaoning quarreled that opening the gas valve in the excited place caused an explosion, killing three people and injuring four others in the entire building.

Last July, a couple in Henan Province had a quarrel over family chores. The husband jumped into the river angrily and the wife went into the water to save the life. In the end, both husband and wife drowned.

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indeed, every family has its own difficulties.

if husband and wife do not know how to control their bad emotions, the end result can only be harm and harm to themselves.

in intimacy, Christopher Mon says:

as the most intimate lover, we know each other's weaknesses.

when you fight, you poke each other in the sore spot, which is to contribute to the end of the relationship.

have deep feelings.

A friend, when he quarreled with his wife some time ago, his wife said, "it took me eight lives of bad luck to marry you as a loser."

he also said harshly: "I'll talk to you later. I'm a dog."

the two men were so serious that they didn't say a word for the next few months.

he said: "in fact, there were several times when I wanted to talk to her to make peace, but I couldn't lose face."

several months later, he was used to eating and sleeping alone, and slowly didn't even want to go home, feeling boring.

later, after the Cold War lasted more than a year, they both chose to divorce.

there is a very classic line in the movie Blood Guanyin:

repeated quarrels and cold wars are actually in the happiness of an overdrawn marriage.

they broke up after quarrelling, and they got tired after a long cold war.

03

bad mood makes parents feel cold

some time ago, they went out to dinner with friends.

A friend's mother suddenly called him to inquire about how to buy things online and how to withdraw money from Wechat.

after my friend said it again, my friendMom still can't operate.

his tone suddenly became very cold: "I told you you won't. I'll teach you next time. I'm busy right now."

then hang up the phone.

because he is usually very easygoing, and he never refuses when others ask him for help, so he is very popular.

the way he answered the phone and talked to his mother completely subverted my impression of him.

Confucius once said, "Color is difficult." When it comes to something, the disciple obeys his labor; when there is wine and food, sir, do you once think that you are filial? "

"color is difficult", which means an ugly attitude.

in Confucius' view, it is only the lowest level of filial piety for parents to help when they have something to eat, to give them something to eat, to give them money, and to let them live in a comfortable house.

"color is difficult", but it is difficult to have a gentle attitude towards parents.

I don't know if you have found that

some fathers who acted vigorously in their youth and smart and capable mothers showed obedience and caution in front of their children in old age.

in such gentleness, there are countless bitterness and helplessness.

in an interview, Yang Lan asked Zhou Guoping:

"Why do we all leave our good temper to outsiders and bad temper to those we love most?"

Zhou Guoping replied:

emotion is a demon, and once you can't control it, it will engulf you.

I have read a story:

an old lady went to her son's room to look for a newspaper at noon and was running into her son coming home.

my son just talked about a business and was in a bad mood. When he saw his mother groping in his bed, he said angrily, "you have nothing to do in your room and don't run around."

Mother explained, "I'm just looking for a newspaper."

the son dropped a sentence with an ugly face: "there is nothing to do when you have enough to eat."

at 12:00 in the evening, the old mother jumped from the seventh floor and committed suicide.

many people will vent to their closest parents when they have grievances or pressure outside and have no way to vent them.

you know, this kind of venting is to cut meat with a blunt knife, which will make parents feel sad and sad.

I  I   vent my bad mood at will, although it will be calm after that, but the trace is always there.

the family understands and tolerates each other because of love, but every time a bad mood is vented, it is a drain on the feelings between the family.

the greatest happiness in the world is that the family sits idle and the lights are amiable.