How to cultivate children with happy, warm and sound personality?

educator Rousseau once said:

the child is the seed, the family is the soil, and the future of the child is, in the final analysis, the skill of the parents.

what does a good family education look like?

maybe the answer is in the following 12 pictures.

01

give a positive hint to your child

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your child will surprise you back

two children are doing their homework. One mother said, "write well and don't be so careless all the time." But children still make mistakes again and again.

another mother stood aside and whispered, "if you are so serious, you must be sure." As a result, the child finished it quickly and well.

there is a self-corroborating prophecy phenomenon in psychology, which means that the expectations of others will affect the behavior pattern, so that the reality is finally closer to the expectation.

Edison thought differently when he was a child. The teacher thought he had mental defects, but his mother insisted, "my child is a genius. He will be a great man in the future."

what kind of "hint" parents give to their children, what kind of child will be shaped.

the negative psychological hint is to draw a circle on the ground as a prison, making the child increasingly decadent and discouraged, trapping the future in a cage;

the positive psychological hint, however, turns stone into gold, giving the child courage and strength to guide him to set sail.

02

A child's growth needs space

Please respect the child's boundaries

psychologist Wu Zhihong believes that the biggest contradiction in Chinese parent-child relationship is the lack of a sense of boundaries.

how many parents have been holding their children back all their lives in the name of love: doting on him, hindering his growth, restraining him and stopping his soaring.

"your child is not your child" says:

the hardest thing for a parent is not how much love to give, but how to quit at the right time:

quit the table at the age of 3, the child can learn to eat by himself;

quit the bathroom at the age of 5, the child can understand the body boundaries;

only when the child leaves the room at the age of 8 can the child learn to respect privacy.

only when the child leaves the kitchen at the age of 10 can the child learn to live independently.

the more you love your child, the more you need to leave room for your child's growth.

instead of using gentle shackles to weave an "iron net" for children, it is better to let go and let them soar better.

03

Don't underestimate an introverted child

"how can a child adapt to society if he is introverted and unsociable?"

in the eyes of many parents, it seems introverted = low EQ, timid, unsociable, not easy to succeed.

but is introversion really a flaw?

psychologist Jung pointed out in "Psychological types" that introversion and extroversion are inborn personality characteristics, there is no difference between advantages and disadvantages, but the energy obtained is different.

introverted children also have their own rich inner world.

they are quiet, but more focused; they enjoy being alone, but they never indulge.

after 30 years of research on social talents, American scholar Linda Silverman has found that the higher the IQ, the more obvious the tendency of introverted personality; in a group of successful people, nearly 70% are introverted.

introversion is an underestimated advantage. Introverted children lack not correction, but acceptance and tolerance.

04

the problem of children's growth is not terrible

this is the way they explore the world

the growth of children is a mixed blessing for parents. While we rejoice in the growth of our children, we work hard for everything about our children:

children like to eat fingers, what if they eat dirty food?

how distressed is it that a child learns to walk and falls down accidentally?

will children be bullied if they have a quick temper and conflict with children?

American writer Jenny Ellim once said:

the growth of children is inseparable from the exploration of the world.

every problem he encounters is an opportunity for transformation; every small step he takes is a big step towards the world.

A wise parent will not be a controller and build a wall for his child;

but as an observer and companion, let him rush to the vast world.

05

some children just open late

but don't worry, spring will come

around us, there are many children who open their brains late, no matter what they do is always not satisfactory.

it seems that they are lagging behind and their future is bleak.

but in fact, they are not waiting foolishly, but quietly accumulating strength, and when the time comes, he will burst out his energy in a burning manner.

like the "ghost bamboo" in Sichuan, it can hardly be seen to grow up in the first five years, until the sixth year, it will grow to 30-40 meters in less than half a year.

scientists' longitudinal studies of brain development have found that many children's brains do not fully mature until they are at least 25 years old.

it is not terrible to lag behind for the time being, but the terrible thing is that parents beat and give up.

the later the enlightened children, the more they need acceptance and support, because they walk longer than others.

06

No matter how bad it is

Please stand firmly with your child

Zhihu hot post: at what moment are you so disappointed in your parents?

the most heartbreaking answer: "when they are surrounded by strange eyes and they look on coldly, they still think you are useless."

every child will make mistakes and make troubles. It is not terrible to make mistakes. The terrible thing is that parents isolate their children.A helpless situation.

good parents are always a safe haven for their children, not a mending knife field; they can beat problems with their children, not with them.

even if the child looks stupid and can't stand out, even if someone says the child is bad and hopeless, tell him firmly: I love you and will always stand by you.

True love, isn't it?

when he has flowers and applause, we watch silently off the stage; when he falls to the bottom, we give him the courage to bounce back.

07

Don't be too strict about their children's perfection

in life, many parents find it difficult to accept their children's "faults" and fail to see their children's "shortcomings":

the child is lively, he thinks it is not quiet enough; the child is quiet, he disrelishes lack of exercise; the child likes to exercise outside, and he is afraid of missing his homework. If the child's homework is good, he asks the beauty of voice and body to do everything.

psychologists believe that excessive demand for perfection is a cancer of desire in education, which is often followed by parents' control of everything and children's growing sense of powerlessness.

Children who grow up with perfect expectations do not dare to try, do not dare to try and make mistakes, and naturally cannot grope for success.

Bai Yansong said: "the best way to destroy a person is to let him pursue perfection and reach the extreme."

instead of forcing the child into a so-called "perfect" child, let go of anxiety and encourage the child to become a better self with acceptance and trust.

08

respect the differences of children

he is a unique treasure

there are no two identical leaves in the world, and there are no identical children in the world.

raising a child is like planting a magic seed. You don't know what he will look like in the end.

it may be a beautiful flower, a towering tree, or a stubborn grass.

they have different flowering periods and different ways of growing up.

some need to be tall and straight in the sky, some need to thrive by the river, some are used to clouds, and some are eager for the sun.

every child is a unique treasure.

We can't use the same ruler to measure different lives and divide them into three, six or nine grades.

Education is an awakening, not a transformation.

the mission of parents is to understand and accept the differences of every child, to pay attention to and take care of their every growth needs, and then to allow them to bloom in their own unique posture.

09

from the perspective of child psychology, this is a normal phenomenon.

but most of the time, children can't afford to lose because their parents want to win so much.

"did you win? Very impressive! You are the best! "

"how could you be so useless when you did so badly in the exam?"

these responses undoubtedly tell children that failure is shameful and that only by "winning" can they be recognized by their parents.

educationist Li Xigui said: "teach children to decide the fate of a child's life from 'pursuing to winning' to 'learning to lose'."

faced with setbacks, the first thing children need is the unconditional emotional support of their parents, and the second is to face challenges and difficulties together.

parents face it calmly, children will not be afraid of wind and rain, not afraid of failure;

parents support actively, children can withstand setbacks and win beauty.